Traumas are very real and very powerful. The imprint traumatic experiences leave on a person’s life will vary and is unique. Different people process different negative or tragic events that will occur to them throughout their life at different speeds and in varying degrees of intensity. You, and you alone, internally are the healer and definer of how something impacts you as a person. No one else can fully understand how you individually process something even if it has happened to them ie cheating. Everyone is different and everything affects each person uniquely. Do not let someone try to create your trauma timeline for healing nor tell you that you are not allowed to be impacted by something anymore.
On the other hand, I am a huge believer that no matter the trauma, it should not be used as an excuse or be seen as a justified reason for you to mistreat others. Yes, traumas will deeply affect you and you are your own definer of your internal feelings. The issue is when they become external actions. It should not be accepted as your own personal get out of jail free card. For example, in my case it would be like be saying, “sorry I’m anxious and depressed so I did not pull my weight at work nor did I show up for my shift.” OR “I was cheated on before so sorry I cheated on you but it happened to me so it’s okay.” NO, it’s not okay. Just because you’re broken doesn’t give you a free pass to break others. It’s not a pass saying “OH, it happened to me so sorry but now I’m going to do it to someone else.” You need to heal yourself inside, on your own timeline. (Because again, you decide ,and I EMPHASIZE it’s you and only you going through what you personally went through so it affects you as long as it does no one should even try to tell you how long your trauma is allowed to impact you) BUT do not use this as your excuse to act out, you heal and fix yourself but remember it doesn’t give you the go ahead to hurt others during your process.